Baz rang me a week after our session to recommend another counsellor in his practice. I had asked him to recommend an alternative, I’m glad he followed through.

I follow through myself and make an appointment. On the day I take a deep breath as I enter the office, hoping that this experience will be good for me.

Counselling strike 2It starts well when this counsellor, Abby, gets my name right. That feeling doesn’t last long and Abby asks me if there is anything I would like to know about her. I am surprised by the question, isn’t this supposed to be about me? I feel unprepared for counselling, I’m not in the flow and feeling edgy. No questions for her come to mind and I feel there should be questions to ask. I wonder if I am too self centred.

I don’t have to worry for long as Abby begins telling me her background and qualification, detailing her employment history.

I am surprised into silence, unsure of what to say and feeling it might be irrelevant to run through my own CV.

Abby leads the conversation explaining how grief come in waves and how it can be triggered, almost inexplicably, by unexpected things. I nod, dumbfounded, I already know this. It is not new information.

Abby rabbits on about grief experiences and I listen not knowing what else to do. Finally, and thankfully, she wraps up the session telling me I am numb. Apparently I am too numb for counselling and she suggests I contact her in a few weeks when I am feeling ‘better’. Numb I may be, but her advice makes little sense. Wouldn’t numb be something a counsellor could help with. I decide on the spot that I won’t be contacting Abby again, I thank her and leave.