“It’s so hard” she said “everyone has something in their background and I never know what’s there.” She banged her fists on the table, annoyed at how careful she needed to be. She had been talking to me and stepped on a mine, she hadn’t realised I was mine-field. I told her I felt hurt by her words.
She felt frustrated by not having the language to avoid wading in to difficult scenarios and causing offence because she didn’t realise….
We sat across from each other.
“It’s not fair” she wailed, “why can’t people be normal?”
“It’s not fair” I echoed, but I did not empathise I just didn’t want to inflict hurt, she was already distressed.
What I didn’t say is that I have high expectations of others. I am not very forgiving of people who are unwilling to moderate how they interact – people who think their normal is normal and mine is not.
I don’t like to be regarded as dangerous and I used the analogy of a mine-field, so I acknowledge some degree of difficulty. I know I am a little dangerous for some. Experiences I have integrated as normal are somewhat shocking and unexpected to many. In my favour it is also true that sometimes being in my company provides more and not less safety.
What is unfair is to expect me to skate over my experience and sensitivity. Let me bring my whole self to any situation, both wounds and tenacity – sensitivity and resilience. Please don’t think of me as not normal.