According to dictionary.com resilience has a couple of related meanings.
the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.
ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.
The definition is interesting as seven years have passed since Mottsu died by suicide and while I don’t doubt my recovery prowess, my life was changed sufficiently that a ‘return to the original form’ is not possible.
Anyway I am not sure I would want to.
We’re changed by our experiences. How could I not be altered by the loss I’ve endured. Whatever healing has happened with time has not resulted in becoming ‘all better’. I am not who I was, for a start I know more of the darkness that haunts many. I am different in profound ways and in beyond my own knowing. As an example, I certainly appreciate people as more fragile and finite than I knew of before. There is less I take for granted. What I have experienced is not a transformation, it was a recovery, experiences have been integrated and I’ve renovated, rather than restored, back into a purposeful whole.
I am finding my own hero path “…we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path. And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the centre of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be all with the world.” Campbell, J. (1949). The Hero with a Thousand Faces. (2nd ed.). Princeton NJ: Princeton University Press. pp.25